Crash
by Bethj17
Summary: Edward and Jasper have been friends nearly their whole lives but can Edward get over his fears when their friendship becomes something more? Contains boy/boy loving.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: As always Twlight is the property of S. Meyer**

**A/N** This is my first fanfic and I am a little scared about posting it! I wrote it a few months ago when I should have been working it is inspired by the song Crash from You Me At Six which I expect can be found on YouTube. I have split it into four small chapters that I will post over the next few days I hope you enjoy it.

**Chapter One**

We stood glaring at each other our words becoming increasingly sharp and vicious what had started off as small disagreement was quickly escalating into a full blown fight. We hadn't fought like this for a very long time and it was ironic that again it was my reluctance to take our relationship to the next level that had started of this bitter explosion of words. But even as I watched the anger swirling behind his eyes it still wasn't enough to completely hide how much me loved me and as the memories of our life together rushed through my head I knew I couldn't make the same mistake twice I had nearly lost him before I couldn't risk that happening again. So despite my flight instinct kicking in I wasn't going to run away this time.

We had been best friends since we were five and had started school in the same class. He was shy and introverted where as I was the absolute opposite. Being loud and opinionated had got my smart mouth into trouble on more than one occasion but we complimented each other balancing the other out I taught him to be more assertive and he helped me to cool it down when I got a little out of control. Our friendship remained constant throughout our childhood one rarely ever being without the other until we hit puberty. Hormones, those belonging to others rather than our own, began to wreak havoc in our lives suddenly girls seemed to notice my existence and wanted my attention no doubt intrigued by my cocky attitude. However my complete and utter indifference to it only seemed to encourage them more despite the fact that the only person I ever had any desire to spend time with was Jasper. He never made any reference to my new found popularity and ignored our female classmates better than I did. Unbeknown to me and my obliviousness our relationship was changing and once we reached our mid teens the underlying current that had been slowly building between us finally crashed over my head enlightening me to what Jasper had discovered many months before I did.

It was Mike's 16th birthday party and a whole crowd of us had gathered on First Beach for an excuse to drink ourselves into a stupor without the prying eyes of our parents. It wasn't unusual for us to meet at the beach on a weekend so my parents didn't have any problem letting me go. Mike had managed to strike some deal with his older brother and had brought a couple of cases of beer down to the beach so within an hour there was already a few less than sober 16 year olds fooling around I was three or four bottles of beer in myself and sat on one of the logs surrounding the fire pit waiting for Jasper. We would normally meet up before parties and come together but recently he had been acting a bit distant I put it down to the stress of studying he always put too much pressure on himself to make perfect grades but despite that I still thought it a little odd when he said he would meet me here. I was sat by myself on a log by the fire leant forward my elbows rested on my knees a bottle of beer swinging loosely from my fingers I wasn't paying attention to the group of girls that had just arrived my attention firmly fixed on the blue flames licking around the edges of drift wood deep in my own thoughts. For the last six months one girl seemed to struggle more than any of the others at taking no for an answer. Bella had made it clear on more than one occasion that she wanted to be more than just my friend. In the beginning I had just out right ignored her but she was persistent and I had come to realise that her willingness to do anything for me had its uses. I won't deny that how I treated her was unfair and also a bit cruel allowing her to believe there was a possibility of gaining my attention but she seemed happy to run around after me. Too consumed in my head she spotted me before I had a chance to make an escape and made a beeline in my direction I was took in complete surprise as my first indication of her arrival was when she planted herself firmly in my lap. One look in her eyes told me that she was drunk and I later found out that some of the girls had been through Jessica's mum's liquor collection whilst supposedly getting ready for this party although a disadvantage to me I'm sure some of the other boys saw it differently. She wiggled herself in until she was plastered against my chest her arm haphazardly wrapped around my shoulders as her head lay in the crook of my neck. For a few seconds I sat perfectly still unsure how to react despite my recent un-gentlemanly behaviour I'm not cruel enough to eject her onto the floor after all if could be said that I had brought it on myself. When her lips started to make a trail up my neck to behind my ear I looked in panic for someone to rescue me. My eyes immediately fixed with Jasper's who was watching the whole scene from across the other side of the fire I instantly felt a wave of relief as he would surely come over and save me. Jasper had made his distaste for my behaviour well known and it did sometimes present a tension between us but he always had my back so I expected at the most a look of I told you so before he made his way over to disentangle me. But in those few seconds as our eyes connected I saw nothing but hurt clouding his face creating an unsettling knot in my stomach that only got tighter as he turned and quickly walked away. My initial thoughts of saving Bella's feelings no longer registered in my brain as the desperation to get to Jasper took hold. Before I could even decide what to do I stood unceremoniously dropping Bella onto the sand. Uttering a quick apology I ran to catch up with his retreating back shouting his name and begging him to wait. He finally stopped at the far end of the beach away from all our partying classmates. It was pitch black without the light of the fire so I could just about make out his silhouette at the foot of the cliffs. I was not the most athletic of people and running in the sand whilst shouting at the top of my voice had burnt my lungs so I used the last few steps towards Jasper's back to recover my ability to breathe. Due to the complete lack of light I had no choice but to get right up close to see his face I could guess from his balled fists and the tension in his back that the hurt had evolved into anger and this was confirmed the moment I stepped in front of him.

"What the hell is your problem, did you not hear me calling you to stop" I huffed in frustration from having to sprint from one end of the beach to the other

"I heard you" he replied tersely his jaw held ridged from struggling to contain his emotions

"For whatever I've done I'm sorry" I tried to soothe his anger by offering an apology although for what it was for I had no idea.

"What are you apologising for Edward do you even know?"

I shrugged my shoulders at being caught out but also to cover the fact that I was at a complete loss as to what to say.

"You don't have to apologise I'm not angry at you" he sighed walking away to sit on the rocks at the base of the cliff. We had spent hours clambering on those rocks as small children and I pondered briefly how much easier life was back then as I followed uselessly and sat myself on a rock just below him.

"Then what are you angry at" I asked bringing my feet up onto the rock and resting my arms across my knees. I don't look at him instead I stare out at the ocean giving him time to answer the question.

"Myself" A one word answer whispered quietly that does nothing but raise more questions

"Why?"

"I don't think I can talk about it"

I didn't speak immediately his words hanging heavy in the air between us as I idly sat watching the waves crash over the shore. This was the first time he had never wanted to tell me something, we told each other everything even the most embarrassing events in our lives were not kept secret like the day my mum walked in on me relieving my usual morning predicament, there was nothing we hadn't talked about. The silence between us continued to stretch on until I couldn't take it anymore

"You can tell me anything, you know that" I whispered

For a moment I wondered whether he heard me as he didn't respond I opened my mouth to say the words again but was halted as he began to speak

"Edward you are my best friend but I am afraid because if I say the words I want to say I risk losing you forever"

Confusion swamped my brain what could he possibly say that would change our friendship.

"Nothing will stop us being friends" I tried to reassure him

"You can't say that"

"Why not, it's true" I tried to keep the frustration out of my voice but it crept in regardless

"Let's forget I said anything" He tried to backtrack but I was not about to let it go, I couldn't

"Just tell me" My insistence was met with silence "Tell me!" I demanded but still he didn't answer me.

Finally the frustration got the better of me and I was on my feet stood in front of him "For fucks sake just say it!"

Silence still prevailed as he stared at his hands that were laid in his lap. My patience had reached its limit so I said the one thing that I knew would get a rise out of him. "Jasper why do you have to be so pathetic" I winced as I said the words but they had the effect I desired as he jumped to his feet and shoved me backwards

"I said forget it" he reiterated through gritted teeth but instead of giving him his wish I shoved him back

"No" I shouted in his face

"Fucking hell Edward just drop it"

But I didn't I couldn't "No!"

There was a paused moment before words exploded from his mouth "I'm fucking in love with you, there I've said it happy now?"

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><p>Please let me know what you think x<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: As always eveything Twilight belongs to S. Meyer**

**A/N** Thank you so much for the reviews and story alerts they really are truly appreciated!

**Chapter Two**

We stood staring at one another and I didn't know what to say my mind was literally blank I tried to open my mouth hoping that the words would just magically appear on my tongue but nothing came out. I watched as he began to crumble in front of me as the weight of what he just admitted settled on his shoulders. I could tell he was about to bolt and I panicked I knew I had less than a few seconds to do or say something so I did the only thing I could do to stop him from running I wrapped my arms tightly around his body. He remained ridged his arms held stiffly at his sides but I just pulled my arms even tighter around his shoulders. Eventually his forehead came to rest on my shoulder and his body began to gently shake as silent tears soaked through my t-shirt onto my skin. My head was spinning as Jasper's words reverberated around my brain what was I meant to do with the revelation that my best friend was in love with me. I couldn't process the response I was having too much emotion whirled around my head but I forced my tumbling thoughts aside as his silent tears turned to gently sobs all I could do in that moment was comfort my best friend the best I knew how. Minutes passed as I slowly rocked us from side to side shushing him the same way my mother used to do to me as a small child. His arms loosely made their way around my waist and although I knew this was a rather intimate position for two teenage boys to be in I didn't care I just wanted Jasper to feel better it was all that mattered it was all I could focus on. After a while the sobs stilled and I could feel the tension lessen in his torso I brought my hands to his shoulders and pushed him up carefully so that I could see his face. He looked broken the turmoil clearly churning in his eyes his cheeks stained with tears and I felt my heart stutter a little.

"You'll always be my best friend" there was no answer so I took my forefinger and thumb under his chin and raised his head slightly "look at me Jasper, please" I asked softly encouraging his eyes to meet mine. Once they did I gathered as much sincerity as I could and said it again adding "I promise". There was a tiny flicker of a smile at the corner of his mouth that caused my heart to stutter again and for the first time ever I thought how much more beautiful Jasper was when he smiled. The thought startled me slightly but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling more like a shock as to how I had never noticed before. It's not like I didn't think of Jasper as attractive I had always thought him handsome and had often wondered why the girls didn't fawn over him in the same way they did me. His golden blond curls that he was forever pushing out of his shockingly clear blue eyes were something I would have had to had been blind not to have noticed but I had never acquainted him with beautiful not until that second, but he was truly beautiful. If the revelation as to his beauty was not enough to ramp up the storm of emotions in my brain my next conscious thought took it to hurricane status. As I watched the small flicker develop in to a smile that started to deepen his dimples I was consumed with the desire to kiss him. Clearly my body acted on my thoughts before my brain could consider the consequences as my next conscious thought was how smooth his lips felt against mine. It was nothing more than a chaste kiss and I immediately pulled back to gauge his reaction as well as figure out my own. Had I really just kissed him? He looked at me shocked and I was sure my face was a reflection of his. The longer we stood looking at each other the thicker the tension became between us and more I wanted to do it again. Slowly I leant forward my lips barely grazed his as he whispered

"Edward are you sure?"

I paused for a millisecond but my up body knew what it wanted to do my brain would just have to catch up later so I answered his question as I firmly pressed my lips against his. We started of hesitant our lips joined but the rest of our bodies not moving as neither of us knew what to do with our hands it was slightly awkward and I couldn't help but smile at how inept we both were. Jasper must have felt the curve of my lips as he pulled back slightly a nervousness bordering on panic clear on his face

"Why are you smiling?" he asked fearfully

"I don't know, us I suppose" His panic visibly escalated so I quickly tried to clarify what I was trying to say "We must look hilarious trying to kiss with our arms firmly fixed to our sides"

He smiled back at me before shyly muttering "I just don't want to scare you by moving"

I realised then how real the fear of losing me was to him and that I was going to have to take the lead in this new step in our friendship so I took his hands and placed them on my hips and moved mine to rest over his shoulders "I think this will work, want to try again?"

He nodded his head in response and we leant in towards each other again this time less hesitant. The soft kisses of before were now harder and I could feel my heart beginning to beat faster in my chest. I hadn't kissed many people in my life but the couple of girls I had kissed had never made my heart race. Feeling brave I softly traced the smooth skin of his lower lip with my tongue and I was rewarded with a small moan from Jasper which caused my own breath to hitch and fuel my confidence. Again I grazed his lip with the tip of my tongue and this time he opened his mouth. As his velvet tongue caressed mine I was taken my surprise by the sudden surge of fire that rushed through my blood. I sunk my fingers into his hair and used my grip to carefully tilt his head to get a deeper angle and it was bliss. Kissing Jasper was by far the most amazing thing I had ever done and I didn't want it to end I wanted the sensation of feeling of his warm mouth on mine, the gentle tug on my lip as he pulled it between his to last forever. The moments of not knowing what to do with our hands were quickly forgotten as we held each other tighter as the kisses got more frantic and wet and just life altering. Eventually the necessity for oxygen forced us apart and we both stood panting and staring at one another. At that moment the clouds that had been hiding the moon all night finally released it from their grasp allowing the silvery light to illuminate Jasper's face. Even in the soft light I could make out the pink blush on his cheeks and the puffiness of his thoroughly kissed lips and he definitely made for a breathtaking sight.

"You ok?" he asked as he dropped his eyes to his feet and I realised I was just stood watching him

I struggled to recover the power of speech "Yes….. That was…. Um….. Wow" I so coherently stated

"Wow it was definitely wow" he confirmed with a smile

That kiss on the beach was the first of many more but it was a few weeks before it happened again. In the weeks that followed it took me a while to deal with all the new feelings I was having and I made the stupid mistake of avoiding Jasper. For two weeks I didn't speak to him and that hurt him deeply I sincerely regret not dealing with it better but at 16 years old it was all I was capable of.

Once over the initial bumps in our relationship we grew even closer it took Jasper a while to trust that I wouldn't hide away from him again but thankfully my perseverance paid off and we left my thoughtlessness in the past or at least we thought we had.

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><p>Please let me know what you think x<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: As always everything Twilight belongs to S Meyer**

**A/N** Thank you for taking the time to read this.

**Chapter Three**

Jasper was my first everything as I was his and with each level of intimacy our relationship became more amazing, more incredible I just couldn't get enough of him he was literally all I lived for. There wasn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for him except the one thing he desired the most to be open to the outside world about our relationship. For the previous two years we had kept our feelings for each other a secret as we had always been joined at the hip nobody seemed to notice the amount of time we spent together. I had promised him that once we graduated high school we would tell our parents so that we could start college life open and proud but as that time approached I was starting to think that I couldn't go through with it. It wasn't as though I imagined my parents would react badly in fact I was pretty certain they wouldn't but I liked the fact that no-one else could have an opinion on our relationship. As long as nobody knew we couldn't be judged or labelled just for who we had fallen in love with our love was special and perfect and I didn't want to run the risk of anyone tainting it. Although I never said the words the fact that I didn't think I could do it didn't go unnoticed and it caused an increasing amount of tension between us. It culminated in an almighty fight where we both said things we'd later regret. We were on our way to a party after graduation and he was so excited that high school was over and we were about to start a new chapter together. He had made an innocent comment about when we speak to our parents about us and I had brainlessly uttered "if" what I thought was under my breath but was clearly louder than I had intended hell actually followed the moment those tiny two letters fell from my lips. After what felt like hours of screaming and harsh words I eventually stormed off leaving a sobbing Jasper on the sidewalk. I knew it was childish and cruel to walk away but I was so angry that he couldn't understand that all I wanted to do was protect us I didn't care. Not wanting to go home and in need of a drink I carried on to our original destination the party. Within an hour of my arrival I had consumed half my body weight in Vodka and was somewhere between drunk and unconscious. I half expected Jasper to follow me but there had been no sign of him so I assumed he must have gone home. So when Bella asked me to dance I was too drunk and pissed at Jasper to deny her. Part of me agreed as I knew it would piss Jasper the hell off as being dumped in the sand had never deterred Bella's advances and she was the one person that could evoke Jasper's jealous streak. He declared it was because she could freely touch me and he couldn't but I know there was I small part of him that feared that I would eventually choose her despite my reassurance that it could never happen. Barely able to walk let alone dance I was hauled in amongst the gyrating bodies with Bella draped around my neck. I knew she was going to do it the moment my glazed eyes registered the movement of her head it's just my drunken responses weren't fast enough to get of the way. Her mouth was on mine in the time it took me to blink and of course fate choose that exact moment to send it all to fucking hell as Jasper appeared at the edge of the crowd. It was as if all the bodies had purposely parted to give him a clear view as our eyes meet over her shoulder. It only took him seconds to understand what he thought he saw before he sprinted from the room. I scrambled to get away from Bella fruitlessly pushing her shoulders until finally I'm free to chase after the one person I could ever truly love. It felt like I was running through treacle as I tried to get outside when I actually got there the sight before me broke my heart. Jasper was stood one hand against the building bent over dry retching as his body continues to convulse with the need to vomit even though the contents of his stomach is already at his feet. Tears were flowing thick and fast down his cheeks as his whole body vibrated with heavy sobs. I reached out to try and comfort him but he flinched away as if he had been burnt by my touch.

"Why Edward, why her? You promised it was me, only me" His words were barely audible against the heavy breaths of his sobs

"I'm so sorry" I managed to slur out but it only ignited his anger

"Just stay the fuck away from me, I don't ever want to have to speak to you again" He shoved past me and I stumbled to the ground

"Please Jasper I can explain" I pleaded with all I had

"Fuck you Edward" he spat and then he was gone.

I didn't make any attempt to get up and follow him as I crumbled in on myself hot fat tears now running down my own cheeks

"What the fuck have I done" I cried but there was nobody around to hear me

In the weeks that followed I tried numerous times to speak to Jasper never once did he answer my calls and eventually he must have changed his number as I got nothing but a recorded message telling me the number I had dialled had not been recognised. Every time I went to his house the door wouldn't be answered or his mother would tell me he didn't want to see me. After about the hundredth visit his mum asked me if I would take a walk with her reluctantly I agreed to go and we walked to a small park near the house. We sat down together on a bench and I felt all kinds of uncomfortable unsure what she was going to say or what she possibly thought of me. Although I knew that the outcome of this talk probably wasn't going to be positive a small part of me couldn't help but wish she held the key that would get me chance to explain myself to Jasper.

"Edward I don't know exactly what happened between you and Jasper as he hasn't been willing to talk about it. All I know is that the boy that came home from your graduation party to a shadow of my former son. I know that what you are trying to do is fix whatever went wrong but sometimes that just isn't possible and some things just have to be left broken."

Any hope that I held evaporated as I quickly realised what she was trying to tell me

"You want me to leave him alone don't you?" I whispered softly "But I'm not sure I can"

She then turned to look directly at me and took one for my hands in hers

"I know its hard sweetheart but you're just hurting each other by hanging on you need to move on give each other time to heal it's for the best"

I don't have any words to form an answer so I remained silent keeping my eyes focused on the ground. She gave my hand one final squeeze before standing

"Take care of yourself Edward" and with that she got up and walked away.

No longer able to call him or go to his house I knew I should at least try to move on but I wasn't ready to I loved him with every fibre of my being I just couldn't let go so I started writing letters but they all just came back return to sender. Multiple letters later I had no choice but to leave him alone and try and pull myself together. The irony of the situation was that both of my parents now knew about Jasper and I. After Jasper had left me that night I eventually made my way back into the party and grabbed a bottle of Vodka to further drown my sorrows in. I don't really remember much from the last swigs of alcohol but at some point someone must had called my parents to come and collect me as I had become a vomiting mess and nobody was prepared to babysit my ass any longer. As my mum got me home and fought to get me in some clean clothes I apparently cried the whole way through except for the moments when my head was stuck in a bucket. My behaviour seriously concerned my parents and they pleaded with me to explain what had happened and without the brainpower or capacity to lie I gave in and told them everything. I remember my mum hugging me and I clung to her desperate for any comfort I could get. In hindsight it seems that all the fear I had at people knowing was misplaced and I was and still am grateful to have such amazing parents.

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><p>Please let me know what you think x<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to S Meyer**

**A/N** Well this is the last part to my short little story although I suppose you can never say never! I hope you have enjoyed it.

**Chapter Four**

The day I left for college I was missing Jasper dreadfully as this was meant to be our start together. I arrived at my dorm with my mum and dad plus various boxes in tow hoping that I would like the people I had to spend the next year with. The dorm was on two stories, the boys on the ground floor the girls on the first, there were five rooms on each floor also a communal bathroom and kitchen. When I walked in I was met with three of the boys I would be sharing with but the forth was yet to arrive. A small part of me was praying desperately that the fifth room would be occupied by Jasper as we had requested on our applications we be housed together although I'm sure he would had contacted the college since to make sure that didn't happen. Mum and dad didn't stop long and I was left alone to unpack all my stuff. As I packed away my clothes and boxes I thought I had been reasonably lucky with my housemates as they all seemed pretty decent I could hear them all in the corridor talking and getting to know one another I knew I should go out there and join in but I couldn't bring myself to be sociable. I had been unpacking for about an hour when I heard the voices become slightly louder and they were introducing themselves again the elusive fifth person must had arrived. Cracking my door open slightly I looked through the small gap trying to locate the last arrival and my heart stopped dead in my chest. Jasper although a much slimmer version was stood talking to the other boys and looked as beautiful as ever. My heart lurched back into action bringing with it a searing pain through my chest it literally physically hurt to watch him. I tried to soundlessly close the door fighting for the ability to breathe before anyone could hear my laboured attempts at taking a breath but I was not quick enough as I heard someone say

"And that's Edwards's room"

I didn't want to look up I just wanted to close the door but some sick power within me forced my eyes up to take in the sight of the boys stood greeting each other. I was not sure what I expected to happen maybe some kind of cosmic realignment that had him running back into my arms but unfortunately what I got was exactly nothing he just turned and walked away to his room as if I was of no consequence.

Two months at college and still we hadn't uttered a word to each other. For the first two weeks I tried concocting various plans to get us alone together hoping we could talk but he seemed to have some kind of sixth sense that kept him away from me. One Friday night all the girls on the floor above were going out on the town and Angela who is in the room above mine had invited me to go along with them. We had become good friends due to the fact we were taking the same classes and had similar interests. She was the only one that knew I was gay and I had told her about Jasper hoping it would explain my solemn moods and that she would leave me to lick my gaping wounds but she saw it more of her duty to try and cheer me up. Right on time Angela knocked on my door dragging me out the moment I had the door open most probably in fear that I would change my mind. Linking her arm through mine she barely gave me enough time to turn and lock the door before I was being hauled towards the waiting girls. We had just passed Jasper's door when it swung open he obviously hadn't expected anyone to be on the other side as he stepped out knocking me into Angela.

"Sorry" he said at the same time as he registered who it was be bumped into I watched him take in the sight of Angela's arm through mine the hurt and pain still clear in his eyes and then he was gone back behind his door. I looked at Angela at my face must have said everything I was unable to say

"Go sort it out" she said "You just have to call if you need me" and with a swift kiss to my cheek she was also gone leaving me stood alone in the corridor.

For a few minutes I paced up and down in front of the door trying to work up the nerve to face him, finally I mustered all the confidence I could and placed my hand on the door handle. This time I wasn't going to ask for permission to enter too afraid of being rejected or worse ignored so I just invited myself into his room. He was sat on his bed his head in his hands he didn't even look up when I burst in maybe expecting my arrival. It was me that ended up being surprised as it was him that spoke first

"I thought I could do this but I can't it's too hard"

Still his voice after all those months was the best sound I had ever heard it soothed me and broke me in equal quantities. I didn't know where to start I had apologised near on a thousand times and it only proved to make things worse

"I don't know what I can say Jasper please you have to tell me what it is I can do to make this easier. Do you want me to change dorms?" As I said the words I prayed to God that he didn't agree that was exactly what he needed.

"Yes, no, I don't know" I had to strain my ears to hear him as he mumbled into his hands.

I walked over and crouched in front of him trying to look in his eyes without touching him fearful that one touch from me would have him throwing me out the door. Tears were again silently falling down his face and my heart broke into a million pieces all over again. Eventually the fear wasn't enough to stop me and I couldn't resist touching him a moment longer. I reached up my hand so slowly as if I was trying to calm a frightened animal and gently pulled his hands from his face to clasp them carefully in mine.

"This still hurts so much I just want the pain to stop" even without his hands muffling the sound I still found it difficult to pick up on what he was saying

"I'll do anything, absolutely anything" I pleaded wanting nothing more than to ease his pain

"I hate you so much but I just can't stop loving you"

I brain spun into free fall at the words "loving you" completely ignoring the second word he spoke. If he still loved me there had to be some hope left that we could work this out and I felt the small seed of hope begin to blossom.

"I love you too more than anything else in the world, it's always been you, and it will always be you" I poured as much emotion into that declaration that I had the strength to do

He finally looked at me his eyes red rimmed from the tears

"Do you seriously mean those words?"

"With everything that I am" I waited anxiously for his response as I expected him to tell me it wasn't enough that loving him wouldn't make it all better

"I'm tired of hating you I don't have the energy anymore it's exhausting but I don't trust you, you hurt me almost beyond repair"

I felt horrible "I know and although it doesn't change what happened I am so sorry please will you ever be able to forgive me?" I was prepared to beg if I had to it had taken such a long time to get this opportunity to talk I was petrified this was my last chance

"What about Angela?" he asked watching me suspiciously checking for a lie

"She is nothing more than a friend she knows I'm gay"

"You told her?" the astonishment clear in his voice

"Yes I'm not hiding anymore I'm proud of who I am I may not be shouting it from the rooftops but I'm not going to lie either"

He was silent for a while as if digesting what I had just said but his hands were still in mine so I held on to the tiny blossom of hope as I waited for him to speak

"I think we need to get to know each other again we have obviously changed so much over the last few months but I think I want to try but I can't make any promises"

I couldn't stop the smile from tugging at my lips I knew that we still had a lot to talk about but at least he wanted to try I took one of his hands and brought it to my lips and placed a delicate kiss on his palm.

"I do really love you" My voice cracked slightly on the words.

A small smile flickered on his face and I was transported back to our first kiss on the beach the desire I felt then to kiss him was just as powerful now if not more except this time I was worried it would be too much too soon.

My legs were beginning to cramp from being crouched for so long forcing me to move but before I could get to my feet Jasper's lips crashed with mine sending me off balance and we tumbled to the floor. I landed flat on my back with Jasper sprawled across my chest despite the momentum his lips never left mine. The kiss was hard and desperate as if he was fighting to reclaim me. My head was telling me to slow us down but the weight of Jasper pressed along my body conquers all rational thought leaving behind nothing but the urgent need to pull him closer. I wrapped my arms around his chest holding him tighter whilst I pushed his t-shirt up so that I could feel his skin against my fingertips. The instant I heard a deep groan rumble from his chest I was lost in a haze of pure passion and lust. We kissed each other almost painfully all wet tongues and teeth. I couldn't seem to get enough to satiate my hunger I just had to have him closer. I brought my legs up and around the back of his thighs in the vain attempt at removing any space between us literally pinning him to me. I could now feel his hard length trapped against mine as he torturously moved against me creating the most delicious friction. We are both panting hard almost hyperventilating breaths as Jasper's lips left my mouth and began an agonising journey across my face towards my ear where he took the lobe between his teeth biting gently then soothing the sting with his tongue before continuing down my body with equally hard and biting kisses. My hands were clinging to his t-shirt the materials bunched tightly in my fists as I tried to anchor myself from floating away. It had been too long since I had felt his glorious body against mine and I was desperately trying to commit each second to memory. Jasper had made his way to my nipples licking long streaks across each one causing them to pull in tight but the need to taste him again was too strong so regardless of the amazing attention he was paying to my chest I tugged him back up to my face

"Need to…. taste you… again ….now" I managed to stutter out but as his face came into view with mine I could see hot tears again spilling over his eyes and the world suddenly stopped, all my desire is shoved to the side as I clasp his face between both my hands "Jasper please don't cry, I'm sorry I should have stopped us it's too soon" I gently whispered brushing his tears away with my thumbs

"No it's not that it's just I never thought I would feel this with you again" and with those words I pulled him back to me his face pressed into my neck. Jasper had shed too many tears over me and at that moment I made a promise to myself that I would try everyday for the rest of my life to make him smile. We laid on the floor for near on an hour until it got so uncomfortable I had to move but then we only went as far as the bed where we curled up together and let sleep finally claim us.

The months following were hard Jasper was extremely clingy and wanted to know my every move and at times it really pushed my patience to the limits answering question after question about where I had been and who I had been with but I did it knowing he had to regain his trust in me again and to honest a jealous Jasper could be all kinds of hot.

So here we stand glaring at each other, Jasper continues to shout at me as my mind drifts off through a wave of memories and I refuse to shout back anymore. I can see tears brimming to the surface of his eyes, Jasper has never been able to get angry without it resulting in tears. It's not that he's particularly sensitive anymore it just seems to be his body's natural reaction to anger and frustration. But even so I had made a promise many years ago and I'm not about to break it so I dodge his widely gesticulating arms and step forward pulling him closer to me. He looks kind of shocked and I think he's about to push me away so I start explaining myself quickly

"Love I'm sorry please I don't want to fight with you"

"I didn't want to fight either but you refuse to talk to me or at least hear me out you're just so fucking frustrating sometimes. Why does every single step forward in our relationship have to be another battle?" I watch as he tries to rein his emotions back in as he takes a few deep breaths "Please can we just talk about it"

"Of course yes, it's just that this freaks me the fuck out I don't know if I'm grown up enough"

This seems to amuse him as a small smile replaces his frown "Edward you're 30 years old you're hardly a boy anymore" He's right we are adults it's just I don't always feel all that grown up "But let's not do this now I think it's best waiting until we're in better frames of mind"

I nod my head in agreement as I take the one more step towards him and close the last bit of space. I place a chaste kiss on his lips before pulling him into a tight hug.

"I love you" I whisper into the side of his neck

"Love you too".

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><p>Please let me know what you think x<p>

PS I have a few things that I have been working on that I hope to get around to finishing soon and I'm in need of a Beta if anyone out there would like to help me out please PM me. Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: As always Twilight is the property of S. Meyer**

**A/N **The chapter definitely earns the rating of M so if you are under 18 or offended by boy/boy loving then please don't read any further. This is my first time writing anything lemony so please be gentle! Aslo this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.

**Outtake - The First Time**

This year has gone by so fast I can't believe that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of our first kiss on the beach. For a few weeks I have been thinking about how I can do something special for Jasper but it's difficult to get any kind of decent privacy when you are living at home with prying parents. What I want is to spend a whole night uninterrupted with my boy with no fear of anyone walking in or over hearing. Don't get me wrong it doesn't usually hinder what we do together although it would be nice to have both my eyes on him instead of having to keep one eye firmly fixed on the bedroom door. There would be nothing more amazing than to hear him shout my name but from experience when my mum is only a few feet away it definitely takes some quick thinking to explain.

After much consideration I think I may have come up with the ideal solution. Now if we had the luxury of actually living together I would romance him by cooking dinner and eating by candle light then maybe a hot bath before finally spending a whole night wrapped up together. Who knew what an old romantic I would turn into? But as that scenario is just not possible the next best thing I can come up with is camping! Not exactly the height of romantic gestures but I think I can make it work. Camping itself covers off the being alone aspect and I can create some sort of food on a campfire essentially a campfire could be considered a bigger version of a candle? But the nearest I can get to a bath is the sea, its water, just not exactly comparable on the temperature front. Despite what most would probably think the whole point of creating a night together isn't just so that we can take our clothes off with no one to catch us but that is one hell of a bonus point. It's so that I can say in actions not only words simply that I love him. We have come a long way in the last year and he means more to me now than ever.

Preparations have been relatively easy I told Jasper my plan to camp out tonight and he seemed kind of pleased with the idea. So I told him to meet me at the beach this evening and I would take care of everything else. By 6pm having walked to the far end of the beach so that I could guarantee a deserted spot I had managed to pitch the tent single handedly. It took longer than planned as I struggled to keep my frustration in check and not use the canvas as kindling for the fire but eventually I got there. I'd brought pillows, duvets and sleeping bags so it would be extra comfortable spreading them all out and unzipping the sleeping bags completely so we could use them as blankets. After many trips back and forth to the car to retrieve everything our bed for the night is finally set up and I start on lighting the fire thankfully a task that doesn't require too much effort or brute force. For the finishing touch I have borrowed my mum's garden lanterns, little glass houses that enclose tea lights and hang decoratively from metre long metal sticks. I place them around our little campsite hoping to create some resemblance of a romantic atmosphere. Sitting back and admiring my creative flare I am pleased with how it looks, it seems Jasper definitely brings out the more thoughtful side of me. So with everything in place all that's left to do is wait for Jasper's arrival.

As I sit in front of the campfire little flickers of nerves begin to creep into my stomach making me feel kind of anxious. Maybe it's just concern over Jasper's reaction to my efforts but really I know I am just fooling myself. The real reason for the butterflies is something that is always never far from my mind. For all I insist this is just to give Jasper some tangible evidence of my feelings for him I know that's not the whole truth. I'm lying if I deny that, for me, tonight would be made perfect if we took that final step in our relationship. In complete honesty it has been me that has delayed the event for so long under the pretence I just want the moment to be right but really I'm mostly terrified. We had agreed months ago that when it happened I would be the one to top him, initially I thought I had the easier role but as time has gone on I have become more and more worried. The fear of hurting him and it becoming something he regrets has consistently weighed heavily on my mind. When we made the decision I never appreciated the responsibility and trust he had placed on my shoulders. But after having time to think I'm not only am I worried about not making it feel good but what if I only last a few seconds before all it's over. I know Jasper would soothe me and tell me it's alright but I've put so much pressure on myself to make our first time perfect I would be mortified if I failed.

It was about three months ago when we decided we were ready and I had to endure a horrifying trip to the drug store in Port Angeles to buy the necessary condoms. The whole time we were in the shop Jasper had to assure me that no-one would automatically assume that we were going to be use them together. But I wasn't so sure I could see the way the cashier was looking between us. I think Jasper thought we would be making use of them the moment we got a second alone and I could see the disappointment every time I shut him down. I would conjure up some excuse as to why the timing was wrong but he never got angry or frustrated he'd just let it go and remain patient with me.

Before the worry can totally consume me I'm interrupted by my cell buzzing in my lap it's a text from Mike and instantly realisation strikes me and panic floods my body. How could I have forgotten it was also his birthday weekend and his stupid annual beach party? With bile rapidly rising in my throat from the fear of possibly outing Jasper and I so publicly I click read on my phone

_Change of plan house party Tyler's 8pm!_

Breathing a sigh of relief my common sense thankfully makes a return and I internally kick myself for being so irrational. How could anyone know this is for Jasper and in reality I would be long gone before any of them arrive considering I have an hour before the party even starts? Nerves are clearly messing with my head and encouraging the appearance of my inner drama queen.

During my brief episode of paranoia I don't notice my beautiful boyfriend making his way across the sand towards me. As I look up I find that the sun is beginning to set turning the sky a hundred shades of pink and orange as it sinks towards the horizon. The softer light is glinting off his blond head and illuminating his fair skin and not for the first time I'm thankful he had the courage to confess his feelings to me as I'm not sure I could have been so brave. For all my bravado when it actually comes down to it he is far stronger than I could ever be. He's wearing his usual faded blue board shorts and a body hugging sleeveless white tee that shows off his broad chest and newly developing biceps. I can't help but watch him intensely as he approaches

"Hey" he says as I stand up to greet him

He drops his bag the only thing he has with him at our feet and wastes no time leaning forward and capturing my lips with his. It's only a small chaste kiss but still it elevates my heart rate causing my blood to flow a bit faster through my veins.

"Hey" I whisper back against his lips before pulling back slightly so that I can ask him what he thinks of my efforts, patience definitely isn't one of my virtues "So what do you think?"

He leans his head to the side to get a view of our campsite over my shoulder.

"Honey you did all this for me?" he asks smirking whilst dramatically placing his hand over his heart

"Fuck off!" I blush giving him a playful shove to the chest "I wanted to do something nice for you and this is what I get" I pout for effect

"Oh don't be like that darling it's amazing and I am truly grateful" he pauses to place a kiss on the tip of my nose "Honestly Edward it does look perfect"

There have only been a few rare times since Jasper and I have been together where we appear to have flipped personalities. He eludes confidence and I become insecure obviously this situation appears to be one of them. Pleased that he's happy I take his hand and lead him over to the campfire where I have placed an old picnic blanket. Before I even realise it we have spent an hour making out in various positions over the blanket so when my stomach interrupts us with a loud growl it's clear it's about time I wow him with my culinary expertises. Unfortunately my repertoire isn't exactly wide so I'd decided on the traditional option of s'mores thinking it was the easiest option. However upon checking for ingredients I couldn't find any crackers in the cupboard and the nearest to chocolate I could get was a jar of Nutella so essentially marshmallows and Nutella. Thankfully he doesn't complain but I imagine watching me try to seductively lick my fingers clean may have eased the pain.

We spend the rest of the night on our backs gazing at the stars our hands closely entwined. This is what we are good at talking for hours about absolutely nothing at all. Eventually the campfire has burnt down to only a few glowing embers allowing the chill in the night air to creep over us.

"We should go inside its getting cold" Jasper suggests and I feel the nervous butterflies reawaken deep inside. We have managed to talk the whole night and avoid the subject of what was going to happen once we go inside that tent.

"Edward you ok?" Jasper immediately senses the change in my demeanour

"Yes of course I'm fine" I try to bluff my way past an explanation.

He doesn't look convinced but drops it anyway instead walking off towards the shore with a bucket to get water to ensure the fire is definitely out before we go inside. I remain on my back staring at the thousands of star above me. The stunning glittery expanse one of the good things about living away from the city as there it never gets truly dark enough to fully appreciate the night sky. A couple of shooting stars speed across the darkness leaving their shimmering trail behind and I wish with all I am that I'll have the courage to make tonight everything Jasper could wish for.

After tending to the usual nightly rituals we are both stripped to our boxers and huddled together amongst the numerous amounts of blankets

"You're too far way" I whisper into the dark after Jasper switches off our only torch

"I kind of thought you might feel more comfortable with a little space" he replies although he shifts over to close the few inches between us "You had that freaked out look going on again and I didn't want to push you"

My freaked out look is something he has alluded to before apparently he can see the panic in my eyes no matter how hard I try to conceal it.

"I'm not freaking out" I assure him by pulling him closer to my chest and draping my arm over his waist. Everything is quiet for a few minutes before I'm brave enough to speak again

"I've brought condoms with me" I whisper into his hair so quietly it's a wonder he actually hears me.

I'm sure it would have been far more romantic if I had just kissed him and allowed everything to happen spontaneously but I needed to know 100% before we get carried away this is still what he wants.

"You sure?" he asks carefully no doubt fearful I would later make an excuse again

"If I'm totally honest I'm scared out of my fucking mind but I want you more than I've ever wanted anything and I want us to do this together"

There is a tiny pause before he utters the two little letters that agree to one of the biggest decisions of our relationship so far "ok".

"How do you want to do this?" I ask smoothing the hair off his face and pushing it behind his ear

"I just need it to be face to face I have to be able to see you"

I nod in agreement and take a steadying breathe before gently rolling him on to his back so that I can lie between his legs. Placing my forearms either side of his head I push my fingers through his tangle of curls each of us just looking at the other no need for words. I gently scratch his scalp as the silence stretches between us only broken by the distant lapping of waves against the shore. Just when I think he's on the verge of sleep do I scoot my body further down his letting my full body weight rest on him as I lace our fingers together before raising them over his head.

"I love you" I whisper leaning down to steal his lips.

The way I feel in this moment is all consuming so many emotions are coursing through my body it's intoxicating almost making me feel light-headed. It starts off slowly little delicate kisses that gradually increase in pressure and passion until we are devouring each other's mouths with wet hot kisses. Unconsciously we begin grinding together each delicious circle of my hips sending tingles down my spine all the way into my toes. In an effort to slow us down I leave his lips to make a trail of open mouthed kisses across his jaw line and down his neck to his chest. I stop to pay extra attention to his nipples as I know this drives him crazy. They are already taut with excitement another giveaway to his arousal if his hard length against mine isn't enough confirmation. I gently bite each peak before soothing the sting away with the flat of my tongue igniting perfect whimpers and groans from the amazing boy beneath me. With every kiss and lick I can feel my confidence growing fuelled purely by the incredible sounds emanating from deep within Jasper's chest. I could do this I could love him the way he deserves because I know I could never let anything hurt him I had to believe in that.

Continuing my journey down his body I finally reach the elastic of his boxers I pepper small tickling kisses across the edge making him squirm under me. Slowly hooking my fingers in the waistband I bring them down to reveal more warm kissable flesh. I look up, now on my knees between his thighs, to admire the vision before me. His cheeks are flushed pink and his hair is starting to stick to his forehead as it begins to bead with sweat. He is nothing short of breathtaking. Not able to resist a moment longer I not so carefully tug this underwear down catching his cock in the elastic causing it to bounce back down against his stomach as it springs free.

"Sorry" I apologise shifting to the side to get the offending article free of his feet

"S'ok" his aroused breathless response assures me he's fine.

There was a time when being so vulnerably naked would have had Jasper instinctively moving his hands to cover his intimate parts but now it never fails to amaze me how at ease he is under my lustful gaze. Taking the image of him laid bare his hands gripping fistfuls of blanket as I delicately drag my fingers up and down the tops of his thighs has my heart racing.

"Please Edward" he whimpers as my fingers almost reach just where he most wants them before I tortuously move them away "Edwaaaarrd" the drawn out syllables of my name cause the hair to rise up along the back of my neck and down my arms. It may appear that I finally take pity on him allowing my fingertips to caress the smooth satiny skin of his hard manhood but the truth of the matter is I just can't keep my hands off him any longer. As I lift his cock to lie in the palm of my hand I marvel at how hard he is and I can't help but feel a little pride that I have done this to him. His cock is literally straining, flushed a flawless shade of red at the head and glistening delectably as pre-cum slips down his shaft and over my fingers. Enclosing my fist I slide my hand upwards swiping my thumb across the glossy head and massaging the gathered moisture into his skin. Up, over and down I continue the cycle over and over again but at no great speed as I just enjoy the feel of him in my hand. Almost mesmerised I watch his hips join the motion thrusting in to my fist as he chases more friction and lures me into a hypnotic daze. His groans are getting louder and his balls are pulling tighter to his body as I cradle their weight in my free hand. He's getting close and that's exactly how I want him if we are going to attempt this. So close that he is practically falling over the edge and there is one sure way of getting him there. Leaning down I take his sticky head in my mouth but as much as I love having his velvet steel against my tongue I still feel this is a pleasure I am yet to completely master. I can only manage a few inches before my gag reflex takes over so what length I can fit I make extra effort to suck and lavish with attention. Jasper assures me it feels wonderful despite lacking his ability to swallow me to the hilt and I suppose I can't doubt him going by the moaning curses that are currently falling in rapid succession from his mouth. As I stroke and suck his hands make their way to my head threading his fingers through my hair and guiding my movements

"Edward, stop please….. too close" his whimpering plea halts my rhythm along with the gentle tugs on my hair.

Sitting back on my heels I resume the initial path of running my fingertips along his thighs giving him a chance to back away slightly from the edge. After a few slow deep breaths his heavy lidded eyes refocus on me

"Are you really sure?" his question lingers between us for a second as I consider whether I am and although a small grain of fear still hovers at the back of my mind this time I know I am.

"Yeah I'm ready" giving me a small smile he reaches over and passes me my bag.

Digging around in the front pocket I locate the box of condoms I had put there earlier along with the bottle of lube. Placing the condoms beside me I click open the lube squeezing some of the slippery substance onto my hand. Shamelessly Jasper opens his legs wider his knees falling to the side

"Can you pass me that pillow" I request nodding towards the corner of the tent "It might make this easier"

He passes it to me an unsure look on his face

"Lift your hips so I can slide it underneath it might make the angle better"

He does as I ask and it does give me slightly easier access. The lube now warm on my fingers I begin rubbing careful tiny circles from his balls down to his ass my eyes firmly fixed on his. His breath hitches when my finger makes direct contact with his hole so I give him a second to get used to the sensation before pressing my fingertip into the warm puckered skin. I watch him closely for any signs of discomfort seeing none I press forward a little more until my first knuckle reaches his outer rim. This isn't something we haven't done before Jasper has had two of my fingers in his ass on multiple occasions but knowing where this is leading I feel more pressure to do it right and keep him relaxed. As my second finger joins the first I catch a small wince flash across his face

"Ok?" I question immediately stilling my hand giving him the time to adjust.

"I'm fine honestly please keep going"

When it comes time to add a third finger we are now reaching new territory. Tentatively I press my third finger in and this time the wince isn't so fleeting

"Just hold still" he asks with his eyes squeezed shut.

Seconds pass and my mind begins to split in two as to whether this is such a good idea but eventually his eyes open and he gives me permission to move. It takes some time and plenty more lube but I manage to get three fingers sliding in and out of his tight hole. He feels beyond incredible around my fingers and the sight of them disappearing inside him is so unbelievably hot. When I think about that warm entrance encasing my cock it has my mind spinning. Although I'm pulsating against the cotton of my boxers despite being untouched Jasper has softened no longer rigid against his stomach but lying almost limp over his hip. Learning from our earlier experiments I know that by curling my fingers gently forward I can find the perfect place and bring him back his waves of pleasure. I know I've found it when I hit a spot that makes him inhale quickly but exhale with a low

"Oh wow Edward, do that again"

Not one to deny my boy anything I do it again whilst taking his cock in my spare hand and stroking it slowly back to life.

"Yes just like that" he moans as I hit the same spot and drag my thumb over is smooth head. Part of me is tempted to bring him off like this as we have come further now than ever before so it's not like we haven't made progress. But I remember the disappointment on his face from the times I have backed away before and it's enough to spur me on.

"Now I need you now" he groans and I notice how his eyes are fixed to my face as if he's waiting for the excuses to fall from my lips but that's not going to happen this time.

Carefully I remove my hand and sit back to remove my boxers and retrieve the condoms. Jasper pushes up on his elbows watching me fumble with the packet.

"I feel guilty" he says clearly looking at my over aroused cock

"If you had touched me even once Love I don't think I would last more than ten seconds" I smile trying ease his conscience "Trust me I'm already about to explode any more stimulation and I fear it could be all over"

I'm still fumbling with the packet when Jasper gently takes it from my hands

"Here let me help you with that" he's now sat on his knees in front of me and makes light work of the packaging quickly tossing it to the side once he's removed a single condom. As he goes to pass it to me he stops

"Edward, baby your hands are shaking"

I look down and sure enough my hands are visibly trembling

"We don't have to do this we can still wait" he says sincerely his patience with me never ending

"I'm just nervous is all I want this" I answer as confidently as I can

"Do you want me to do this for you?" he gestures to the condom still in his hand.

I nod my head in ascent sure that my shaking hands would struggle with the task. Cautiously he tears into the wrapper taking the slippery rubber and placing it over me. I gasp at the friction caused by his hand smoothing it down my length and I'm further convinced my decision to neglect my own needs to this point was most definitely the right thing to do. Just that small amount of attention has me balancing dangerously close to the edge. I continue to watch intently as he finds the lube and smothers it over me the thin latex doing little to numb the sensation.

"You alright baby" he asks as I'm yet to move my eyes from my aching dick, I swear I can literally see my pulse.

Looking up into his face and seeing his eyes still heavy with arousal there is possibly no other answer to that question other than yes I am most definitely alright.

He lies back in the position he was before his knees pulled up and his legs wide. Leaning forward I kiss him slowly and thoroughly until we are both fighting for oxygen

"Ok?" I ask giving him another chance to change his mind but of course he doesn't.

Holding myself in my hand I gingerly place it against his hole but not before liberally applying even more lube to him. Just a small gentle push of my hips and the very tip enters the tight ring of muscle. The grimace on his face would be hard to miss and I'm about to pull out and insist we wait when his hands shoot to my waist holding me in place

"I'm fine, just go slow" he says moving his hand to comfortingly caress my face. I think about how it should be me comforting him and again I realise how much stronger he is than me.

Patiently I push forward a fraction at a time stopping after each movement to give him a moment to further stretch to my size. The concentration and effort I'm putting in to keep him from feeling too much pain thankfully focuses my mind away from what I'm feeling. But there is no denying how close I am once I'm fully sheaved in him then there is nothing in this world that could keep my mind from anything else.

He's so tight and warm and amazing I have never felt anything so perfect in my whole life

"Does it feel good?" Jasper's words draw me out of my bubble of wonderment

"Absolutely fucking incredible, it feels soooo good" I groan in pleasure as I fight to remain still "How about you? Are you ok?"

"It's getting better just move real slow"

"I will I promise"

Pulling my hips back at a challengingly slow pace I move until I'm only just inside before sinking just as tortuously slowly back in

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I curse as ripples of sheer pleasure alight every nerve in my body. After each thrust I notice the tension gradually leaving Jasper's face and body

"Shall I go a bit faster" I plead "I promise to stop if it's too much"

He nods his head in agreement.

The little extra speed has more curses falling thick and fast from my mouth and I'm sure I can actually see Heaven when Jasper uses his hands to hold his knees back and I sink in a little bit further. The deeper penetration must be good for Jasper too as he begins to start groaning and cursing right along with me. The noises he's making have me almost spinning out of control and I think I might possibly explode into tiny little pieces.

"Edward, fuck, just there, oh god"

It's absolutely the most erotic thing I have ever seen as he takes his reawakening cock in his hand and begins to stroke.

"You look soooo hot love" I tell him in a voice that no longer sounds like my own.

I can feel the building pressure of my orgasm gathering momentum deep inside.

"I'm not gonna last much longer please tell me you're close" I warn him

"Almost" he whispers his hand moving at a faster rate

I shift my hips only slightly hoping to hit that spot inside him again although it's difficult to know if I'm getting it right. After the third or so attempt I'm rewarded with a deep elongated groan

"Yes, yes, mmmmm, don't stop, please oh god don't stop"

Stopping was the furthest thing from my mind as I cling perilously close to the edge. I don't even get a chance to warn him again before I'm free falling head first into the most earth shattering orgasm I've ever experienced. It literally catapults through me as I shake and shudder in a blissful haze. I keep on thrusting through the pleasure dragging out each wave as it burns up my whole body. Just as the last ripples begin to subside I watch in awe as Jasper's eyes close and his own orgasm rips through him as powerful bursts of cum erupt from his beautiful dick. His body convulses as his back arches sharply from the floor my name the only word falling from his lips. Eventually the tremors stop and he lets go of his cock dissolving back into the blankets. My arms no longer able to take my weight I collapse on top of him uncaring about copious amounts of cum painting his chest. We lay there not moving or talking for a few minutes my head buried in his neck as we steady are breathing and float back to earth. Once I gather enough strength I roll to my side in search of a packet of wet wipes I thoughtfully decided to bring with me and start cleaning us up the best I can.

"Thank you" he mutters as I wipe way the last trace that managed to hit his chin

"You're welcome" I say following the last wipe with a small kiss

"Not for the cleanup although I appreciate that too but for sharing that with me it was everything I dreamt it would be and more"

The small bubble of pride I felt earlier continues to swell and fill my chest I feel immensely proud that I was able to make it all he wanted it to be.

"I should be thanking you love, you were amazing" I say discarding the wipes and snuggling back down against his chest "I don't think I have ever felt an orgasm as powerful as that"

"Me neither" he agrees, there is a few beats of silence before he finishes in a distinctly sleepy voice "When can we do it again?"

"Soon, promise" I reply pulling a blanket over both our bodies as we quickly fall into sleep.

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><p><strong>AN** Please let me know your thoughts, thank you Beth x


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